5 years ago

6 months ago, I found a new friend

6 months ago, I decided to go back to school

1 year ago my dreams of becoming a mom came crashing down

Chad, Cam (eron) and me, my nephews June 2007

2 years ago I got myself completely out of debt

2 years ago I was in such a severe depression I had to seek medical help (from a prescription I was taking)

over 3 years ago I had to stop going to school

Christmas 2006 (yes I had hair extentions, I miss them!)

4 years ago my dad was told he had 3 years left to live for cancer was taking over his body, 1 year ago he outlived the lifespan the doctors gave him.

Me and my dad at my sisters reception May 2006

4 years ago I found the love of my life

Sept 2005 (4 months after we started dating)

almost 5 years ago I got out of an abusive relationship and 'fought' back

Almost 5 years ago, I lost my dear precious brother (in law)

5 years ago I turned 21

My 21st Birthday, bittersweet

5 years ago I moved out my parents...

5 years ago my brother and his family willingly took me in and lead me along the path that I needed to be on

Rob (bro), Alisha and Joshua (their newest member)

Today, I don't know why, but I have been thinking about the last 5 years. In just a few short weeks it will be the 5 year anniversary that I decided to spread my wings and fly. It was UGLY! There was alot of hate, hurt feelings, and people feeling betrayed. This is where world war 3 had happened with my family. I wont go into too many details. I am extremely grateful for my brother and his family taking me in for the short 9 months I was with them. He really took a punch from my family for being so willing in helping me out.

I have tried to repair my relationship with my family, but it is a mile long list of things I have to give and not 1 single thing that they have to give. It has to be a give/take relationship. I appreciate those friends who were around me in the tough times. Sarah was there when my brother passed away and willingly step in by my side to befriend me, bring in home cooked meals, and held my hand when I moved out of my brothers. Tough job. Rie (I think you were the one who sparked this..) was there for me with the aftermath of my brothers death, she took care of me at school and kept her eye on the 'creep' in my life. I am excited you left a message on my blog! There are others who I could thank for helping me along the way, but the list goes on and on.

This is where it gets harsh..

I was told when I left my parents house that I would fail, I would fail in my life, school, finances, love and so on. There was more that was said, brutal hurtful words I never want to repeat. I look back on the last 5 years of laughs, cries, giggles, happiness, sadness, frustration, the fond moments and the not so fond moment. I want to scream that I have done it! I look back thinking I was so far under there was no help for me in finances. I thought I would never speak to my parents. I thought I was going to marry someone who treated me like the dirt he walked on. I thought I would never finish school. I thought I was a hopeless cause. I look at me now.. I am debt free (this was HUGE for me, I called my brother the minute I paid everything off!!!) I speak to my parents, it is very strained with my mom but still we 'talk'. I am back in school working to get my associates degree. I am in a very healthy relationship where I can speak my mind or say how i feeling and knowing that he will still love me and not hurt me. I realize that right now i can concur anything that I can put my mind to and if I think I cant I have someone who believes in me and is proud of me. My life is not perfect but by hell I can spend a lifetime trying.. and that is what I am going to do.

Bryce and I (Nikki and Julians reception)

I am looking forward to the next 5 years, to see where I have been and what I have done. There are going to be trials and it will be hard, but when I look back and see where I was and where I am now, it'll be worth it.