Denial

Denial: a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.



Denial. Oh how I hate you. You have made too much of a welcome in my life. You have come in my house and made yourself at home. You take a ride in my car anytime you want to. You even make an occasional visit at my work just to make sure I know you are still there. Seriously, you have got to go.

I haven't finished my post on our reunion, and it is nearly Christmas. so here is where it begins:

Anyone who knows me know I am a complete daddy's girl. It is a known fact in my family and friends alike. I am the baby, I am my dad's baby.8 years ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. It was October 17th. The same day as my brother in laws birthday that we lost the December prior. It was the day before my sister was due to give birth to her first little girl. We kept that from her. She didn't need any more complication with her pregnancy. I still remember the phone call, I remember the surgery, I remember 'he has 3 year left, if that. Enjoy life' 3 years later he was in remission. Every 6 months he goes in to get tested. We all know that it is a matter of time. This summer was great, we have had some amazing vacation and tons of memories to hang on to. In March my dads counts were up, way up. They decided that now was the time to switch his medication. He was just a few points of no longer being in remission and his cancer making the its way back into our lives. With this medication comes a teeny tiny side effect called liver failure. My dad had testing for both in October. When I had this talk with Bryce, I told him that I did not have a bad feeling about the counts. I told him that i didn't have a bad feeling about the liver. I was right. His counts are down and his testing for liver failure came back just the way the doctors wanted them too. What we didn't think about is that my mom mentioned that he is cold in his hands, arms, feet and legs.

So starts the war of heart problems. They are prominent in his family. I took time off work to take him to get all sorts of testing done for him. Each test brought more testing and more problems, more stress. Now here is denial walking into my life. I haven't said anything of facebook, I haven't said anything to friends, I haven't said much to my work (except my VP who has approved all of my time off). This whole mess has thrown my dad through the ringer. His good days are becoming less and less and his bad days are becoming more and more. He says he is not ready to go but sometimes I wonder if he is done fighting this big battle. denial has thrown me through the ringer. I hate how I call and don't hear the cheerful tone I am used to hearing. I don't even hear 'Hey sunshine!' when I call. I don't like the sympathetic looks, the pity feelings from other and I hate when people as me how he is doing. do I lie and say "he is great" or do I just answer with "Oh he is fine" I refuse to say how he really is, for the reality of it all brings me to complete tears.

Tears, Oh the tears. I am such a closet crier. I don't think Bryce knows how much it effects me. He only sees me cry maybe 5% of the time. I cry driving, I cry in the bath, I cry at work, I cry in bed. Oh I am a hot mess. This is a daily occurrence. I have lost my appetite. I have lost the will to make Christmas magical. I am losing my hair in chunks. I know I cant think about the what ifs and I should just enjoy the moments I have but it is just hard. I am too young to lose my parent. I am too young to think about spending 60 years without my dad. I am beyond frustrated that I don't have a crystal ball so I can just brace myself for when and where it is going to happen. I know I could have another 5 years with my dad but the last 2 months have been hell.

Denial has taken over my life. denial, you suck.

(Ive turned off the comments for this post. This is more to just write and let it all out then to let people know what is truly going on... life. goes. on.)

Forest Faries

I am sitting here wrapped up in a blanket, barely able to move my fingers, and considering that maybe now is the time to turn up the heater - only to realize that I have yet to finish my reunion post! how lame am I? I will try harder. I say that alot... see a pattern?

What are forest fairies???? Well they are these mythical creatures that I created. You see, we  have good kids. but all kids have bad days right? I wanted a way to have these kids WANT to behave and more importantly something to stand out while we are on vacation to remember for the rest of their lives. Island park is near and dear to my heart. It is where my heart is. I would probably live there if I could afford it. As a matter of fact, mark my word that if I ever become a millionaire, My second home will be there... and well used. So for me to love this place - well I want the kids to love it more. I want them to want to take their kids there and their kids there and so on. so I created these fairies. These fairies that survive in the forest, thrive on good behavior and good deeds. Misbehaving scares them away. I had a whole thought process behind. The only thing I lacked was a story but a huge thanks to my friend Rie Pie for helping me out. You see, she is this amazing writer (although she would deny it) and it is something she loves to do. so I gave her a call. I suck at writing - proven fact (hello, anyone out there?!?!?! prime example right here!!!) She eagerly agreed! That right there saved me. If she would have said no - how would I explain the fairies to the kids without giving away the secret behind it? This year I just read the story... next year I am hoping to create a book. I sat the kids down and read the story to them. I want anyone who wants to use the idea to go ahead but I am going to make them work for it a little bit. The basis of the story was to hang a bag in the trees by a rope and wait for the secret treasures that they will leave behind. Every day we had stuff for the kids. It wasn't just candy. We had church puzzles for them on Sunday that i put together. We had a treasure hunt for them one day, another day we had games for them, another day we had smore kits for them to do over the campfire. It was a ton of fun but being sneaky comes at a price. It was alot of work to get together and it was alot of work trying to not get caught but at the end of the week - it was 100% success. I think next year though - I wont put as much labor into it. I will also start earlier. this year I start in February putting things together.. next year - well Ive already started putting stuff together.

I also had little 'fairy lights' that we put out at night. How did we manage to keep the kids away??? Well the story also told them how they will lose their magic if they chase after them or try to catch them. It worked perfectly. Poor E didnt want them to die and she sure made her cousins know that. She was 'in love'.

So there you have it... the story behind the fairies. I will continue my little adventure in the not so far distant future. hopefully. I don't want to wrap this up at Christmas.

W reunion Part 1

Well well well...

It has been so long that I have put this off for over a month. I don't even know where to begin. I am embarrassed that I have abandoned my blog that long. It is crazy to think that they last time I posted, it was beginning of summer. Now, here I am sitting at home with the windows closed on the first cold night, with my fall decor up, leaves abandoning their home as mother nature changes her course that we all expect every year at this time.

June:
The beginning of June prove that it was going to be a busy summer. It started off with my niece leaving 2 1/2 month early for college. I was preparing for a summer full of fun and aunt advice on life lessons I learned but that came to a screeching halt when she got a job and decided to head down early. only 3 days after she had her wisdom teeth pulled, being a trooper, and going shopping with me to get as many things crossed off her list as possible. She did great and we got nearly the entire list checked off. I am rather proud that I didn't cry as I said goodbye to her. Oh man, what am I going to do when I have my own kids????

At the end of June I bought a new car! ok, well SUV. It has been my dream to own an SUV for a long time. We have been in the discussion of a new vehicle since January. We were browsing and I was figuring out what I exactly wanted in my vehicle. My first and only vehicle I have owned in my life was the bottom of the line... bottom of bottom. There was no picking and choosing what I wanted so this one we were going to do things a bit different. In April, I had finally figured out what I wanted. After searching and searching, putting my feelers outs there, going to car lot after car lot, test driving, heartache and all of not finding a vehicle - I finally decided to throw in the rag and give up. as I was telling Bryce all of this (I had a certain price range, certain miles, certain year, even specific 'add ons') I went on KSL to look at my 'back up plan' that had sold hours prior and there she was. 20 minutes posted. It was the color I wanted, in my price range, in my miles, features, everything. Next thing you know, we are looking at it shaking on it and heading home. I was beaming! I have been in love every since. There are definitely things that I learned with buying the vehicle but I think that is the case with any vehicle you get. 

In July I took my first trip down to see her. Unfortunately, 2 hours after I got there, I came down with the flu. My trip was then spent the rest of the day and night in a hotel, leaving early the next morning to head home. Nothing sounded better than my own bed at that point. That weekend, Bryce also took a trip with the guys to aspen Co for a fun biking adventure. Poor him, coming home to a sick me.

In July I also celebrated My 30th birthday. It turned out just the way I wanted it. quiet! Bryce ended up working late so we went to a quiet small dinner late that evening. 2 days later, we had our 8 year anniversary. We have been dating since the first date. We celebrated by going to the Cheesecake Factory for a nice dinner. It was a nice quiet week. Wouldn't have it any other way.

At the end of July, we headed up to Idaho for my dad's family reunion. well that wasn't until the last day we were up there but it was 9 days of family fun! I have been planning this since January. It was a ton of work but well worth it. I needed a vacation away from my vacation when I was done with it but it was a good kind of exhausting.

Day 1: Saturday - Bryce and I got up bright and early to finish packing. We keep the pathfinder in the garage to keep it clean. The night before we had packed up the majority of everything and my parents had even come over to pick up the 4 wheeler while Bryce fixed a few things on their trailer before we headed out. The original plan was to leave between 7 and 8. When I couldn't get ahold of my sister by 8:30, I decided to take the chance of waking her husband who had probably just fallen asleep, to make sure she hadn't slept through her alarm. Luck had it that she didn't, she was just running a little late. and by a little i mean alot. 9:45, after she showed up, we finished packing her stuff, the bikes and the rzr we were on our way. We knew that on our way down we wanted to stop at a few places. Our first stop was smith and Edwards. We spent a good hour and a half looking through that place. It has been forever since I have been there. We ended up spending a ton of money and the only real thing I remember buying is a carhart jacket.

We got back on the road and went as far as we could before getting food. When we stopped at Wendy's, we took some time to call my parents and my sister who were coming up behind us. When Bryce had worked on my parent trailer their tires were balding. One was going flat. We changed it out to the spare but suggested that they get new tired before we left. My dad, being stubborn - especially around 'trip' time, ho hummed about it. When We called them, they were not only stopped to get tires since they wouldn't hold air, but also to pick up my dad some clothes since he forgot all of his at home (at least he didn't forget his medicine!!!!) How he forgot his clothes is beyond any of us. They were too far to turn back and grab them.

Back on the road we headed as far as we could until we got the the Idaho Army Surplus in Idaho Falls. That place is huge. It is like a mans best friend. Bryce could have spent hours in there but I think we were all exhausted from being up late packing, and up early to leave. Right before we arrived at the army surplus, I had my first adventure in 'hauling'. Whenever we are hauling something, Bryce drives. He was aware enough to know that it was not safe for him to drive, it was my turn to take over. I didn't mind it but I was so tense the entire time. My neck hurt (it was raining the entire way down there), my eyes hurt, my head hurt and I was tired. As we were in the surplus I was literally falling asleep on a rack of clothes. After an hour, Bryce got himself a nice backpack. We got back on the road and finished the last leg of our trip. It was so nice to break up the trip with the stops.

 and hour and a half later, we were in Island park, cruising down big springs. The anticipation of getting there was driving me crazy! I was more excited than a kid on Christmas. I was even the first one out of the vehicle... possibly before it even stopped. I unlocked the key code to the house and opened it up for everyone. It was a big beautiful spacious cabin. Probably the most amazing cabin I have seen in a long time. 5 bedrooms, 3 baths, floor to ceiling windows, 2 fridges, 2 washer and dryers, game room filled with every gaming systems possible (and games!), amazing deck with an awesome view, all on a nice quiet cul-de-sac. about 30 minutes after we arrived, the rest of my family arrived. We all helped unload. The kids were antsy from being in the car for so long that it was nice to send them running back and forth with stuff they could carry in the house. Before we knew it, It looked like it was 'home'. We had everything we needed and everything we imagined. The night was still young so we unloaded the bikes and took a spin out on the rzr and 4-wheeler. When we got back We had a story for the kids. A story about Forest Faries.....

TBC

A much needed update

I just looked back on blogger and the last time I did a 'real' update was st George. That seems like an eternity ago... it was only 4 months ago. I think it is time for an actual update.

The rest of march went off without a hitch. Mostly just working. We didn't do much after st George.

In April we went out for our first real razor ride of the year. It was windy and it was cold. We spent a few hours and right as we finished loading up, huge gusts of wind came rolling in. I almost blew off like a tumble weed.

Last year at the Twilight prescreening I won a huge gift pack that included 6 tickets to the tree house museum. After a very long winter I packed up my mom's vehicle and took off with my 2 sisters and their kids to the museum. (It was alot easier then driving two vehicles around). I think the kids had fun. Allowed for us adults tag teamed each other. We all started out with one kid and by the end we ended up with a different kid that we had to chase after. Let me tell you that this place is really cool with LOTS of things to do - with that said - there is so many things to do that the kids often skip over the 'small' cooler things to get to the big things. At one point I even found my sister sitting at the 'learning' station playing children's game with her 'child' no where in sight. After tracking down her kid - I then found her at the 'paper doll' station creating her own paper doll. we obviously entertain easily.
After we were exhausted from chasing kids around for a couple of hours, we headed to one of our favorite places in Roy for a late lunch. Maybe this place isn't that great but for us sisters - it holds some of the greatest memories in our life. So for that - it makes it that much better.

 Also in April (actually it was March but it felt like April since she finally got to go home) I became an aunt again. It has been 20 years since we have had a sick baby like that. She struggled for the first week of her life but she fought hard and was able to not only get out of the NICU but also go home. She was tiny at first but just last week I noticed a tiny double chin coming in. (sorry no pics of her - to be respectful of new baby S and her mama)

I took a picture through the doors at the NICU. This picture melts my heart. It has not been easy for Bryce dealing with my family coming for a family of just bryce and his sister, let alone being around babies. I am sure this was a scary moment for him to go into a place where sweet innocent babies are so sick that they are supported by machines.

2 weeks after Baby S was born, her brother had prom! Prom is such a big deal for me, I think more than it is for the kids. We took T out to get his tux (he looks awesome in his pale pink vest and bow tie - seriously - he rocked it!) got his flowers, money for dinner, tickets and pictures, don't forget the after party. Things have changed since I was that age. When you got your drivers licence, there were no restrictions, now there is. Since T is new to the driving world, he could not drive. He had many options but being the savy person he is, I drove him and his group to the capital and back. I didn't say anything the entire time. They were running super late and were only at the actual dance an hour. I had enough time to grab something to eat and then head back to pick them up and take them to the after party. Overall I think it was a good night. (again no pics of him - to respect his wishes)

Waiting to pick up kids at prom!

Funny story..., after I ate, I went back up to the capital to wait for T's 'text' to pick him up. I was really only there for maybe 7 minutes when I got it. I parked on the far side of the parking lot and just read. I heard alot of noise and looked up to see the two girls soaking wet in their dresses. It was down pouring at this point. Of course their dates were with them, instead of getting the car and picking them up at the door they were all walking out to the car together. One of the boys turned around to take a picture of the apparent hilarious scene (with their hair falling in their face, shoes in hand - walking barefoot, and the only assumption that their dresses were ruined) only a mere .5 seconds later he hit right into a sign that he didn't see before he turned around. At first I was worried that he was hurt because he hit it pretty hard, but after all of them picked themselves up off the asphalt from laughing I couldn't help but laugh myself.

May was by far my busiest month. I had so much hair - I was cramming people into where ever they would fit. I had at least 3 appointments every night (which is alot when you work a full time job doing something else). The first weekend - Bryce's sister graduated from the U of U with her paleontology degree. She has been working very hard for this and it is a hug accomplishment for her. The ceremony took FOREVER. We got there at 5 and didn't leave until 9. By the time we got to dinner it was 10. We were all hungry and exhausted.

By mid May, I don't think I even got to sleep. I had 2 lei's to make and 2 more graduations. about a week before my niece, K, graduated I found out that my BIL family was coming in from Uganda. It is extremely hard, next to impossible to get visa's to come to the US... let alone 8, but they did. 3 days before K graduated I had her lei's done. Wednesday before memorial day my BIL family flew in. Thurs I had off for K's graduation. I had some spare time so I pampered myself with a pedicure. By 2 we were running out the door to pick up some of my BIL's family and head up to the U. Can I just say i love how fast they are at high school graduations???? After the graduation, we took pictures - a ton of them since my family is so huge - and then headed to dinner. By the time we got home it was after 9 and we had to do this all over again the next day.

This is the only picture I will post of K. I had to get just one in there!

Friday, I went back to work and got some work in but left a little bit early to pick up Bryce and head back up to the U for my BIL graduation. Again, By the time we got home it was almost 10 that night.

Giving his oath

1 of  to graduate with their doctorate degree

Bob's (part of his) African family, American family and his wife and son

Bob and his dad.

My sister with Prossie and Prossie (sp?) This is African formal wear.

My sister and BIL

Saturday we had my BIL graduation party since his American family was in from out of town. It was alot of fun to see him interacting with dad and siblings. After a long day - I came home exhausted. We were suppose to do this again for memorial day but I just needed a break and bowed out.

My brother and SIL

My SIL who helped take pictures. She took a picture of me so I took on back :)

Here is her picture of me!

Bob and his family dancing

My sister got a dog! This is Kobe and he is so cute!

This is Winnie. She has never really pet a 'safe' dog. she was very hesitate but just wanted to love on Kobe afterwards

This is my adorable niece S. She is so grown up! Not so little anymore...

proof that I really was there

My dad :)

my BIL, his dad and brother all dancing.

More dancing - this time they pulled in all of the girls.

This is prossie and John. He was seriously so adorable (but really shy!)

Now here we are in June. within two weeks of K graduating, she has her wisdom teeth pulled and moved to college early where she was offered a job. It has been crazy ever since. I took her shopping 4 days after her wisdom teeth were out. She was tired, hungry, swollen and in pain but she was such a trooper and we knocked out 90% of her list. I hope that in two years I can look back on this post and say 'YOU DID IT!!!!" and she is graduating with her associates degree and heading towards her bachelors degree. If she does that she will be the 3rd person in my family to graduate with a degree (me being the 2nd). It is so strange that she is in college. I never thought it would come so quickly but it has... hopefully she will still need her weird aunt.

To finish off - here are some more pics (from my phone) of things that have been randomly going on. 

My nephew went to scout camp and stayed up all night. He fell asleep on my couch when my sister came out to help me with some craft stuff and jokingly, we put this not on his head since he missed lunch and dinner (If you are hungry.... do not wake me, your dinner is in the fridge)

Getting ready for summer! Bought a bunch of helmets for our ATV's

Smoothie capital here. I was bagging up all of this chopped up fruit to put in the freezer

Working on his mad shooting skills. I was working on my mad picture taking skills.

Getting ready to work on my mad handgun skills

My sister's craft blocks to put in her home

Photo shopping a ton of pictures!

camping!

Downpour (this picture is not edited at all!)

Camping/rzr riding. It was cold!

Puppy sitting.

More puppy sitting

Shopping!

My favorite part. Lots of baking and lots of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.