Holiday wrap up 2012

Wow! I cannot believe that it is 2013. I have some great things planned for this year. I did not post 1 single time in December even thought I promised myself that I would since I really had no excuse. I was too busy making holiday plans, attending parties like a rock star or my favorite past time: cuddling up on the couch with my man and a good movie. I have seriously soaked in not doing any hair in December, but yet I did. I had at least 1 appointment a week in December. There is always next year to make that happen. so here is our holiday wrap up.
Thanksgiving - we spent the day at home here. well not all of it but most of it. This year was the year with my family but anyone who knows me knows that I don't go to my parents house for the holidays so this year we stayed home and invited anyone who want to, to come over and be adventurous in our first attempt ever at a deep fried turkey. (we still didn't have a new stove - 10 months and counting!) It ended up being Bryce's mom, grandma, him and myself. It was a quiet non-traditional turkey day. Simple dinner - no baking, minimal cooking and lots of laughs. Around 6:30 for the first time in 8 plus years I decided that it was time to head to my parents. I would have said no but I had a cousin in town that i haven't seen in 17 years. They were here for 3 short days - arriving on Thanksgiving only 2 hours before we got there and was leaving in the wee hours of the morning on Sunday. It was fun but crowded. We stayed there only 90 minutes before heading home.

The day after Thanksgiving, we are open as a company but only require 1 person to work in each department that day. Lucky me, I was scheduled. I don't mind it because it is rather easy day. No managers, no phone calls, just me and a new Christmas tree to set up and get going. By noon, my work had brought in pizza. They told us to hurry and eat then they kicked us all out. It was an easy day to get paid for basically doing nothing. After work I called my sister and she asked me to meet her at the mall. By this time is was 1... was I insane?? YES!!!! I have this store that i am completely in love with called Torrid. Best. Store. Ever! they were having some killer deals and I wanted new clothes. My sister has never been there and she needed new clothes. Win win win win! That was the only store I was brave enough to go in to. We got in and got out as fast as we could. When I left i got a call from my cousin asking her to join her for dinner. Bryce hadn't been feeling well and he told me to go get some girl time with her. Not that i normally mind but the whole fam damily was there. We had a group of 20. It was nice to spend a few hours out with my cousin I don't get to see at all. While there my mom put me on the spot and ask me to do her hair.

The next morning I got up bright and early to pick her up. One thing not many people know is that my cousin has physical disabilities. When I see her I see a normal person who has to work 10 times harder than I do for what she wants. She tries very hard to do things on her own but she needs help constantly. When I picked her up her mom said that she would come with to help with her. Her mom scarifies so much for her on a regular basis that i told her i would be able to handle it and if we needed anything, that we would call. This gave her and her parents (Her parents also help a great ton!) the whole morning to lounge, relax, take time eating breakfast and do whatever they wanted without have to worry about AL. I took her home and helped her down to my basement and we got her all done up for an evening with my other cousins. Of all things we put in more highlights along with blue low lights. I flat ironed her hair (which she has never had done) and we called her mom when she was all done. It was so cute to see her extremely nervous for her mom to see her. Her mom loved it! It was a sad time to say goodbye to them. I don't know if it will be another 17 years before I see them again. They are talking about coming down next year, hopefully for a longer period of time, but things come up and things change. Hopefully it wont be too long.... after my cousin left, we got ready and headed over to Bryce's sister. This year is was their turn to spend Thanksgiving with the in-laws (its nice that we are on the same year) and when that happens we have a huge dinner at their house the Saturday after thanksgiving. It was filled with movies - always a tradition to watch Christmas vacation with his family when we do our thanksgiving dinner  - food, laughs, and games.

Christmas Eve and Christmas:
This year I had Christmas Eve off. The first time in a long time and hopefully  not the last since I have switch departments at work. First part of the morning I spent running errands. To the grocery store, to my parents house to drop off gifts... all very early so I missed the crowds. I was home by 11 and just relaxed until Bryce got home. We spent some time tidying up the house and settled down to dinner, Christmas movies and chocolate fondue.

The next morning Bryce was up at 5:30 (surprise!!!! I am usually the one that is up super early) when he gets up, I get up - for the most part. We open our gifts and we headed back to bed for a short nap. By mid morning his family came over and I was well on my way to making lunner... or dinch. (on my new stove mind you!) We opened up gifts and had dinner. By 5, everyone was gone and we settled down to more movies. The day after Christmas we went shopping in the bright morning hours.. and it was a complete bust! Bryce had to work and headed to work while I went home and relaxed. I wasn't feeling so hot so I spent the day lounging around with some of my favorite movies... somewhere in there I took a nap too. I didn't get any pictures on Christmas. I was having too much fun enjoying myself (or staying busy in the kitchen)

New years eve I had to work. It has been a long busy ride since then. I got off at 4 to head out and run a few errands before we had a small party at our house with family and a few friends. There is no better way to end the new year than that.

Flowers

I woke up this morning sick. Not sick like the flu but sick from nerves. It has been 4 days since I have slept. My conversation with my sister yesterday helped. 'Think good thoughts before bed' she told me but it still didn't give me the peace I was looking for. My morning routine was a bit different this morning. I put more time and effort into how I looked. Soon I was out the door on my way to work. As the morning grew lighter the butterflies in my stomach didn't go away. They got worst. And so did the feeling of wanting to throw up. 'just a couple more hours' - I would try to tell myself. It didn't help. Shortly before 10 I left. I had to make one quick stop. I pulled into flower patch and by now I was frazzled with nerves. I looked at the floor in the shop to see myself - scattered - and in pieces. Now was the time to pick up the pieces and put myself together. I had 28 minutes.



That phone call was the call I don't think anyone wants to hear. I don't think anyone wants to make. There was alot of crying that night. I tried to tell myself that it would be ok. My parents tried to reassure me she would be fine. I could not shake the bad feeling I had growing inside of  me. This was the first time, but not the last, that i was going to loose my friend. It wasn't that I didn't believe. It wasn't that she didn't put up on hell of a fight. It was just a gut feeling... a sick feeling that shakes you to the core, that I had an hour glass sitting in front of me and at any minute the time was going to run out.

Our walks stopped, the summer time turned into dread. She could not be in the sun while in the middle of radiation. Even young women's was painful. I endure girls camp without her. Without my sidekick... the one person who understood me. I was an outcast. I was by myself. There were lot of surgeries. Lots of visits to primary children's hospital. Lots of phone calls. My life had turned around - only because hers had turned around. It was backwards and upside down. I tried to keep busy throughout my jr year. I would go over and visit when she wasn't feeling good enough to attend our youth group activities. On the days she felt well we took advantage of that time but I had to be careful as to not be sick. Then chemo started and the times to see her came far and few between. Her hair fell out - in chunks. Finally she got not just a wig but 2 wigs. they were itchy and uncomfortable. She would not go out with them though. She would get tired very easily. She attended school less and less but kept fighting one hell of a fight. I never saw her without a smile - or a joke. She was fighting this ginormous battle with a great sense of humor. Summer came again - she was too weak to do much so once again I was on my own to attend the youth group activities by myself.

My senior year was suppose to be the best of my life! But why did I dread it so much???? The year started off great. Finally - we were in the same school. She even felt well to attend most of her classes. I never knew if she was going to be there but when she was, it was the highlight of my day. School became a chore to me. I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to go. I just couldn't wait for it to be over with. I couldn't wait to graduate. Christmas came and I saw her at school less and less. by spring, she had stopped going to school altogether. Only because it was in her best interest. The migraines were getting bad again. April rolled around and I was 2 months from graduating. I walked the 5 houses down the street to her house to see her. She lived in a tri-level home. The formal living room  as you walk in with the kitchen directly behind that. With stairs going up or down. I walked down the 6 steps to the main living room to see her on the couch. She didn't move but she sure lite up when she heard me call her name. I every so gently kneeled next to the couch as to not move her. 'the pain is so bad, just moving my head hurts immensely' It was becoming a struggle just for her to move her head. She was not getting better.... WHY? While I was there, it was time for her to eat. Her mom made her some potatoes. When I saw the plate I was astonished as to how someone could eat so little for a meal. It was then that i realized that she had lost an extreme amount of weight.

The net few weeks were a blur. I had alot going on with school. I was paddling as fast as i could to keep my head above water. School was horrible. I felt i was living in a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. We had a fun run coming up at school. The last big thing before graduation. I signed up for it. It would be fun to hang out with some friends, eat food and tag team relay until I had to go home. May was upon us and it was warm this time of year. I also had softball. The practices kept me busy and kept my mind off things. Lets not even mention church. I was forced into going to young women's. I would sneak out when I had a chance. I made it a point to leave Sunday school 5 minutes early and sneak by the young women's room without getting caught so I didn't have to endure the hour long class without my friend. I did the bare minimum to get my young women's award. Something I am not proud of but my mom would not let it go. 'fake it til you make it' really came in to play. It didn't help that I hated my leaders. They didn't understand what I was going through. They forced me to play the piano just so I would have to attend. And if they caught me sneaking out they would grab me and literally sit me in a chair and sit next to me with their arm around me so that if I tried to move or leave they would grab me. They didn't understand. They would always ask me 'So how is she doing? We would go see her but....' then the excuses would come. To me, I called that being pure lazy.

Saturday May 5th - I was to get my award. My half ass earned award. I didn't care. I did it and I could say that i did it and have people off my back. 20 minutes before we started her dad walked in. 'she is really sick and not feeling well. She wont be able to make it. I will give my talk and then I will need to return home.' The sacrifice - if only I knew. A mere 17 hours was all he had left, but none of knew that. I saw him slip out when his part was finished. I just wanted it to be done - I was done. By the time we got everything cleaned up and home it was well after 10. I asked my mom if I could take some eclairs to her and her family. It was late. Probably not a good idea but I did it anyways. most of the lights were off - only one or two lights were on and dimmed. Her mom answered the door. 'she wont see anyone but I will ask.' Those 90 seconds were probably some of the most let down 90 seconds of my life. I knew she would say no. Her mom came back and said 'she would love to see you' My feet grew heavy as I walked up those stairs. She was laying in her bed and didn't move when I came in. Once again her face lite up. When did she look so pale?? so thin??? It was worst than before.

That night was the last time I talked to my friend. 13 hours later she slipped in to a coma. 7 hours later she passed away.


It has been 10 years since i have seen her brothers. I knew today would be hard. I had 2 1/2 minutes to piece myself together and put on a smile. I got out of my car and walked up the 4 steps to the door. I open the door and there is her oldest brother. 10 years older but still looking the same. I didn't know what to say or what to do. All of these emotions have taken over me the past 4 days and I am sure seeing me it like a tidal wave hitting them. He walks over to me and gives me a hug. Then her dad sees me... like father like son. Walks over to me and hugs me. We talk for a few minutes and I leave with 'I had to come and show my support today.' Next I walk in to the back room and give her mom a giant hug. then her other brother. We talk for a few more minutes. It brings back a feeling I have been missing all of these years. I say hi to her 'SIL' and the kids. They are all so cute. We chat and I feel that my time has come that i need to go. I say hi to few more people and give my condolences. I walk out 36 minutes after I arrived. That has got to be one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I have had to do in a long time. there was only one more thing I had to do. I  had some purple flowers i had to deliver....

Last week Jessica's grandfather passed away. It has torn me apart. Today was all so bitter sweet. It brings feeling back from so long ago. It has been a struggle. at lunch yesterday with my sister, she said 'think of the good thing, remember the best times, and maybe that will help.' The best way to do that... blog. Write. express.

Sometimes it is hard, Then I go to bed and wake up the next morning to realize that it is all going to be ok. I cannot wait for that feeling tomorrow morning.

Games

Nintendo. Old maid. slap jack. monopoly. sorry. Barbie. ken. dress up. Quints.

Those we the games. I won every single time at monopoly. Still do. I have old maid cards hidden away for my kids. We thought we were so mischievous - bending the corner so we knew which one NOT to pick. This could go on for hours and hours. During the summer??? Walks. the bright sun shinning. the asphalt hot on our bare feet. The trees - no blossoms in sight that spring had just past. Green - dark green... no sign of turning colors. Swimsuits. Basketball. Chalk (or rock - they were cheaper :)). Sleepovers. No school. camping trips. bike rides, Rollerblades. ice cream trucks!!!!!

This is how we grew up. We played with barbies well in to our teen - tweens... Then Jr. high came. I was 2 grades ahead of her. We went to different schools. Our friendship took its first rocky trip. It was different. but we still remained BFF's. We still had our summer time. That is when notes took over.

We had millions of them! ok, it seemed like a million of them. Random things written down. We were 'cool'. I would write them at school and take them to her house afterwards. Different school - remember??? We got each other. We understood each other. We were 'outcast'... different. Now like the other girls in our neighborhood. we did things we wanted to do. We didn't care what others thought... well we did but we hid it well. I was envious of her cool clothes, her new dance moves or the stylish hair that was never the same as before. I felt so grounded when summer came. It took me back to my roots. It gave me oodles and oodles of time to do whatever we wanted. Sleepovers were the best!

We walked alot... around and around and around the neighborhood we went. We would talk about everything and anything. Mostly the boys that I liked. I never remember it being hot outside. We would bask in the sun shine and burn within 15 minutes of being in the sun. We both had super sensitive skin. But that never stopped us. OH! And we cant forget the grass that we would always pull when it got to long and make a 'birds nest' with grass and dead branches. We had great imaginations.

In church, we always sat by each other. We always played the 'dot' game in sacrament. In Sunday school - it was painful. We were always in different classes. All of but 6 months every 2 years. Then young women's... we always sat by each other - in the corner - towards the back.

When one of use was gone, it seemed like and eternity before we got to see each other again.

Then there are the times that we would fight, fight we were like sisters. Sometimes she wouldn't answer my calls. Sometimes I wouldn't answer hers. As I said - we were like sisters. Never once, did either of us questions our friendship. At the end of the day we were still friends.

Then another school change came. I was a sophomore. I couldn't wait to be in high school. Our friendship hit another rough patch. High school was alot busier than jr high. We still had our quirks and funny ways. We were still different then the other girls, and we still stayed friends... even though we were on different levels during the school year. My sophomore year blew by in a breeze. That was the summer of '99. It was the year my sister graduated. It was nice to have a big sister to spend a year with and show me around. Protect me yet tease me. Then she graduated and we started with summer all over again. Only this summer i turned 16 and was BOY CRAZY. Little did I know how much my life would change now that i was 16. I was in my bedroom. the phone rang - and I heard my mom calling my name....

disappearing act

So.... I failed! I failed miserably! I really had it in me to do this whole nablopomo. It just sizzled. I am tired, I am exhausted. November is my busiest month. Bryce has been gone the past two weeks for work and at the end of the day I just lay down and I was gone.. but not. I slept horribly without him here. So physically I was exhausted and could not lift a finger.

Don't worry - I will still have a few more post here and a for more post there. Don't forget 2 (2!) more giveaways, more inspirational people and more posts. It will be great. For now - I need to go clean my room for tomorrow's cuts. I think tomorrow will be the busiest nights than I have ever had since starting school. I am back to back to back times 3. awesome!

Stay Tuned!

Bee-ism's

 

Everyone knows I don't have children of my own, so I gotta post about the off the wall things I hear from my young nieces and nephews. Not everyone has face book and that is where I post the majority of them so this one I am saving for my blog. Yesterday while at my sister's house, who happens to have cats - that I am sure were tormented by young children who love them more than they can contain. Bee runs up to me, in her cute 2 year old voice, "sami! I gotta see the kitties! Chloe stepped on my foot." (me) "Oh yeah? did she say excuse me???" (Bee) "No she said Mooow sami"

 

 

 

She is so matter of fact, and smart. Her mom is in trouble. Me on the other hand - finds the humor in her so matter of matter-of-factness. 

Love the weather!

The weather we have been experiencing is truly amazing! I love it. It brings out the magic of the holiday. Today I sit here baking pumpkin cookies, clearing out the fall decor and putting up the winter decor. My house is literally a mess between baking, organizing, pulling out boxes but I don't care. I love it. I love seeing each year the new things my boxes hold. They are only new to me because I tend to forget what i buy each year. It is like unwrapping a present!
With this weather comes the bad - yesterday we lost our awning on our back porch. We are not for sure how much damage was done to the deck due to the amount of snow but I am sure in the next few days, the damage will so its ugly face. I hope it is minimal - since our awning was attached to our deck. That deck brings fond memories... The good the bad and the ugly. It was one project on the house that I can say "Yes, I did that!" We were right in the middle of rebuilding the deck when Bryce was injured 2 years ago. He couldn't walk, squat, sit or lift anything. He was in pain the whole time. I was his legs, his arms, his muscles while he was the voice. I pains me a little to see that there might have to be a replaced board here or there. It took alot of my blood sweat and tears. Even though the awning is gone, I still love this weather. Not even that can make the great mood I am in go away. It is a tiny reminder of all that I have. I rather have small things like that then nothing at all. here is some pictures of my adventures today:

My skeleton is getting mummy-fied and he looks awfully happy!

 Here he is getting ready to go in his coffin for the next 10 months! I have to take extra care with him since he is full on glass and I do not want him broken. I have had this thing for 6 years and it still looks like I bought him yesterday. He gets wrapped in alot of paper towels.... then he goes into a bin of breakables that is stuffed with paper... he also gets wrapped in paper for extra padding.

 Back to projects. recently Bryce and I decided (more like I wanted and needed his help so I didn't cut a hand off!) that we needed a little project to do together. We have been lacking in the time spending together. Both of us have been working extra long hours, so I have had this idea in my phone for over a year of a project that I wanted to do and have in the house. So we calculated, added, bought, lifted, cut, sanded and then I painted. Perfect timing too....

We have a winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My current project was a snowman!!!!!! (rie that was you!)

I wanted a good size snowman. he stands just under 3 feet tall. He is stackable for convenience too. Everything stacks into itself, including the hat. The base of the hat is the bas of the boxes. His not screws off (that is why his nose is sitting on his had and not on his face). It was a great project for both of us to do together. We would open our back door in our garage, shut the garage door, music blaring, mask faced jamming out late at night while we sanded. It was a fun project but I am glad it is over so I can start on another one. Congrats to Rie! I will send you both gift cards at the same time. let me know if you want a home depot or a wood connections :)

Tis the season!

There is nothing better than getting great news to start off your day - then realizing you have to wait all day to get 'it' going.

Today I got the good news that not only was I allowed to buy a new Christmas tree but that it came with a budget. A BIG budget. Plus I got to get all new decor and trash our 15-something year old decor. Nothing beats spending a Friday evening spending someone Else's money on one of my favorite holidays. Oh wait, cuddling up to Bryce next to a fire sounds delightful right now.....

Don't forget to take your stab at my current project. Here's another hint: Tis the season!!!!!!!