My best friend

Meet my best friend. Her name is Jessica Lyn Ryan. She is a bright red-headed girl who has millions of freckles and burns at the smallest amount of sun. Sounds like my kind of girl! we are mirror images. She hated the color pink but love purlpe and turquoise, this was the only place we differ.

taken when we were teenagers, not sure the year.

We grew up together, we live 5 houses apart. She has 2 brothers one is married and has 2 beautiful kids. If you could find her you would find me no matter what. We were inseparable. We went to different elementary schools, same Jr. high (for 1 year) and the same high school. We loved to take walks everyday and just talk and talk and talk and when we weren't talking we were writing 'jr high-ish' notes to each other. She was the youngest and got tease by her brother ALOT.
Growing up she always had better toys than me. we always played with 'quince' 'barbie dolls' and 'cabbage patch dolls'. we also played many games like 'gold fish' old maid' (which we would bend the corner of the old maids card so we wouldn't get stuck with it) monopoly, sorry and much more. I still have the card games from when we were little. We also loved to play out in the snow, sprinklers, climb trees, and much more
She is a talented artist, scrapbooker, and the most humble person you would ever meet in your entire life!

7th Grade 97-98

One fateful day I was called out of my room, I was only 15, by my mom. She had asked me to sit down. She had just gotten off the phone to the tragic news that my dear friend had a tumor. No big deal. I went to my room crying. I cried most of the night. They did surgery and indeed it was cancer. The lump they removed was the size of a golf ball and it had legs. She called it a spider, for her brother was terrified of spiders and this was her way of making light of the situation while he was so far away from home, on a mission. This was not the end for my friend. She endured many days of radiation and kemo. She fought with a smile on her face and always looked to the positive. I could not say the same for me. I was young and did not understand. Due to her radiation she was not able to be outside for long periods of time.

8th Grade 98-99

I would go an visit her, we would have many talks. She was healthy and doing well. Maybe she would pull through. We knew that her life was going to be short. I was trying to prepare myself as best as I could but I couldn't face losing my friend. A year after many exhausting days of doctors, hospitals and kemo/radiation we got the news that she was not winning her battle. My dear friend was dying and there was nothing I could do. I wanted it to be me.

9th Grad 99-00

The last 6 months were the hardest. Every day she grew weaker and weaker. She still managed to have a smile on her face the entire time even though she couldn't walk, paint, draw, or even get up out of bed. It hurt her just to move. These were the times I got to talk to her on spiritual levels.
On May 5th, 2001.. one month before I was due to graduate from high school I received my young women recognition (it is like and eagle scout for the girls in the LDS religion). I had asked Jessica to say the theme and she eagerly agreed. She was too sick to make it. Her dad had given a talk, even though she was sick and in bed and the time was precious to be with her. He had shown up and given his talk. I will never forget that sacrifice he made. It meant the world to me! He left soon after his talk and didn't stay for the rest. After all was said and done, everything was cleaned out, we all went home. It was late but I had to take some eclairs to my dear friend and her family. I went down to her house, it must've been around 10 and she was still up! I was estactic. She was not up for seeing anyone but her mom checked just in case. She wanted to see me!
I ran upstairs, she couldn't move and could barely talk. I spent only 5 or 10 minutes with her. I sat on her bed by her side. We talked about drawing and getting better. Before I left I remember asking her to promise me that she would get better. and she promised. I spent the next 2 hours talking to her mom and dad. Some spiritual things happened that night that I will never forget nor can I say what happened that night or there after. It is personal to both me and her family.
The next day she slipped peacefully into a coma and the following morning in the early hours she passed away peacefully at her parents home. The next days were all blurs. I found out at school and refused to come home. When I did come home I had 3 crying sisters, my mom and dad all waiting with open arms for me. The first thing we did was see her parents. I had to know her family was ok, as ok as one can get. They were peaceful and they understood gods will

May 7th marks the 8th year that I let my dear friend go. And with that I let part of myself go. I didn't know who I was, or where I belonged. Today I am still trying to find myself. I struggle with this on a daily basis. I appreciate her family for keeping in contact with me all these years and letting me a part of their life, even though I know it is extremely difficult for them.
I often wonder were she would be or what she would be doing. For now I can only dream. She visits me in my slumber. I love it! I will always miss my dear friend and until I can hug her again I will put a purple rose right where I last saw her. I wish you could all meet her, she changed my life!

This week has been extremely difficult for me and I apologizing for the sad blogs the last couple times, I will get over it, I promise. Right now I am off to bed hoping that I have good dreams of my dear friend I miss so much and tomorrow, I will visit her resting place and place 11 purple roses with 1 white one right in the middle. 'be your own kind of beautiful'.. and that is what she was!